I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
