I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
