The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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