she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
