I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
