Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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