White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
