so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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