He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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