im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
