WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Damn victory sex feels great
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
