his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
