Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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