she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
