I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
