What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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