my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
