Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
