oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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