when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
