i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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