dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
