She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
