The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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