i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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