I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
