Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
