i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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