my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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