I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
