Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
