nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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