so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize