tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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