So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
