careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
