here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
