how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
