apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
