the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drunk is not a location!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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