Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
