woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
