The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My feet surprised me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
