When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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