so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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