I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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