So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
