I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
