how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
