my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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