Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
