i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i believe in u and ur pee
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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