I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
