Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
These tits shall not be calmed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
