i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
