I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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