I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
