When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
