we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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