I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
