ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
