I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
