If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
