Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
