when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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