If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
