He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
