had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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