I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
