I think my fart just growled at me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
